Reflections...

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight"

This verse has been going through my head over the past few weeks, as I try to work out what the hell I'm doing with my life!

Begrudgingly I have continued with my third year of my youthwork degree at college and idiotically said yes to working EVERY friday night from 6pm til 7am Saturday, in overnight accommodation. The first year I was sure it was what God wanted me to study, I made a great circle of friends and I was loving my studies. However for the entire duration of my second year of studies I was HATING it! ... I don't know whether I should dismiss it as the worst year ever and keep going, or throw in the towel and have a break for a year or so to reassess things.

In hindsight, I probably overloaded myself with youthwork stuff last year, studying, doing my placement and working within the sector. I found all the lectures last year to be very average, the lecturers to me not only had a lack of enthusiasm about the subject but also pretty much turned lectures into a discussion group where everyone presented their opinions yet the lecturer would never provide a core resolution. My placements were also very average, poor supervision, I was mostly working with those well over the age of 30years with aquired brain injury running drama workshops, rather than working with "young people" in a creative arts therapy setting. My employment earlier in the year was in overnight accommodation, assisting a young person to live independantly, yet his drug use was rediculous, so much that I needed to do EVERYTHING for him... so much for becoming "independant" and because of his drug use, he would be buzzing/bashing around the house at 3/4am in the morning, resulting in myself not getting heaps of sleep... which sucked especially considering i was at uni the next day from 9am till 7.30pm!

I realise that life isn't all about me, thats why I'm studying something like youthwork, but surely if I hate something so much it isn't for me! ... I dunno ... I've even thought about heading overseas with YWAM for 6months on a discipleship training school, yet finaces are a big problem, but also I've already done 2 years of my degree with only a year and a half to go! .... maybe it was 2 years of wasted time and money! I don't know!

All I ask is that you keep me in your prayers, as all I want to do is what God wants to utilise me for! .. but surely when He says in John 10:10 for us to live life to the full ... surely a love for the 'work' we do is enjoyable... I dunno

another messed up blog by yours truly!